Shrek and Donkey vs. The Animatronics
It's all ogre now. Shrek and Donkey vs. The Animatronics is a What-If? episode of Death Battle, pitting Shrek and Donkey from Shrek against The Animatronics from Five Nights at Freddy's 2. Description An ogre and a donkey versus eleven killer animatronics. Can they do it? Interlude Wiz: Pizzerias: The haunted eldritch locations that sadist Scott Cawthon created just to make our childhood memories all the more sinister. Unless your childhood involved Shrek, then it's a bit less sinister. Boomstick: Oh man, beatdown of the century. We've got Shrek and Donkey, the unstoppable ogre-donkey duo-''' Wiz: And the killer animatronics: Freddy Fazbear, Bonnie, Chica, Foxy, Toy Freddy, Toy Bonnie, Toy Chica, The Mangle, Balloon Boy, The Puppet, and Golden Freddy. '''Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick. Wiz: It is our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to see who would win a Death Battle. Shrek and Donkey Wiz: I was only nine years old- Boomstick: I loved Shrek so much, I had all the merchandise and movies. Wiz: I pray to Shre- what?! Boomstick, I was just going to say that I was only nine when the first Shrek came out! Anyway, Shrek was just a regular ogre living a regular life when he found his swamp taken over by a bunch of fairy tale characters. Boomstick: And a talking donkey! Wiz: Yes, and a talking donkey. Who was fittingly named "Donkey". Anyway, in order to get the characters to leave, Shrek and Donkey had to stick it to a guy named Lord Farquaad. Boomstick: Sorry, but did you just say Fuck Wad? Wiz: No, I said- ugh, whatever. In possibly Shrek and Donkey's most badass moment, Farquaad's entire squadron of knights got completely wrecked- Boomstick: I think you mean Shrekt! Wiz: *Sigh* Fine, they got Shrekt. And then they outran a flying dragon and even saved the beautiful Princess Fiona from her castle. I'd say more about these two, but honestly I don't think anything else from any of the other movies matters too much to these two. Boomstick: But they're famous now! Shrek might've been flanderized beyond all doubt, but he's still a badass! He's strong enough to knock out an armored knight in a single hit, fast enough to outrun a dragon, and durable enough to be hit in the cajones multiple times and still be able to have children! Wiz: That is true, Boomstick. And Donkey might not be much more than a loudmouth but one shouldn't doubt him either. Donkeys have been known to run at 43 miles per hour, and are actually stronger than horses. However, true to the actual donkey, Donkey isn't extremely smart. Boomstick: Donkey's such an ass. Wiz: *Sigh* Yes, Boomstick, Donkey IS an ass. In addition to their above-average physical abilities, Shrek can also improvise in battle - he can use just about anything as a weapon. Logs, rocks, sticks, doors, and even the environment around him can be put to good use. Shrek also can light his burps and farts on fire, to the point where it could theoretically kill Donkey. Donkey: That's nasty! Boomstick: Man, if only every fart I let out around my ex-wife were that deadly. Hey, can't Shrek also fly? Wiz: Ugh, no! We're not using any facts from "Shrek is Love, Shrek is Life"! But anyway, these two have one significant weakness: Neither of them are really combatants. If you pit them against any competent foe who's more than a badass normal, they'll probably lose unless they're paired up. They possess great theoretical ability but it's kind of a mess in practice. Boomstick: Oh well, at least Shrek still has his layers. But will they be enough to stand up to eleven killer animatronics? Shrek: *burps* Better out than in, I always say! Animatronics Wiz: The year was 1987. Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria was doing better than ever. Children enjoyed birthday parties, the animatronics could roam around freely in the daytime, and really the only one who suffered at all was the security guy, who noticed something... off about the animatronics. Boomstick: You mean besides the Uncanny Valley part? Wiz: Even beyond that. Every night, when the security guy worked his shift, he found the animatronics coming to life somehow. There were ten in all: Toy Freddy, Toy Bonnie, Toy Chica, The Mangle, Freddy Fazbear, Bonnie, Chica, Foxy, Balloon Boy, and The Puppet. Boomstick: Wooooooow that's a lot of animatronics. Wiz: It gets worse, Boomstick. Each of these animatronics is a cold-blooded killer, with the exception of Balloon Boy, who just disables lights. The Toy Animatronics are equipped with facial recognition and a criminal database, the old ones are more aggressive, Foxy is only kept away with a light, Mangle crawls on the ceiling, The Puppet is kept at bay with a music box and escapes at high speeds if not checked on, and it only gets worse. Boomstick: Worse than having to work a night shift with ten killer robots?! What do you mean by that?! I mean, besides the fact that they can teleport. Wiz: Their teleportation actually isn't a thing. They just crawl through the air vents. But speaking of that, these animatronics also like to team up with each other. If they catch you, they forcefully stuff you inside a Freddy Fazbear suit, which wouldn't be so bad if the suits themselves weren't filled with crossbeams and wires and other animatronic devices. Boomstick: The only parts that would see the light of day would be your eyes and your mouth. Wiz: But it gets worse still. Foxy and Mangle are the worst offenders, being the best candidates for the infamous "Bite of '87", which resulted in the loss of a victim's frontal lobe. Boomstick: The worst part? That poor sucker lived through it all. Wiz: With the exception of Balloon Boy, Foxy, Mangle, and The Puppet, all the animatronics can be warded off through use of the Freddy Mask, which leads them to believe that you are an animatronic. However, it's also very restrictive and I'd imagine that it gets really hot in there. And the very worst part is the bonus animatronic, Golden Freddy. Boomstick: But Golden Freddy doesn't have an endoskeleton! He's not an animatronic! Wiz: That is correct. Golden Freddy is often thought to be a hallucination, or a manifestation of evil energy- Boomstick: Like Slenderman! Wiz: Except a lot more aggressive. He can even throw his own head at you and have it be deadly. By that logic, Golden Freddy's head AND body are separate animatronics. Boomstick: I'm beginning to think this is going to be really, really one-sided. Wiz: Hold that thought, Boomstick. The animatronics aren't used to others fighting back. Also, their robotic brains are easily fooled. The worst part is that the durability of animatronics is really, really bad. But remember, these animatronics are all very powerful in their own right and could even be coming for you. All jumpscares play Balloon Boy: Hello? DEATH BATTLE! ParaGoomba348 "For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than people think." Shrek informed Donkey. Donkey seemed have a very generalized view of ogres; that they were just ruthless man-eaters and could not be friends with anyone. Even he couldn't believe that Shrek had let him live just hours prior. "Example...?" Donkey curiously asked. What was so different about ogres? "Example?" Shrek dumbfoundedly asked. Donkey had asked a good question. What example could Shrek think of? Then he looked at an onion on the ground, and suddenly had an idea. "Uh, ogres are like onions." "They stink?" Donkey asked. What correlation could ogres have to onions? He already knew that ogres didn't have an appealing smell, and this seemed like something that should be obvious. "Yes-No!" Shrek replied. That was true, but he still did not have an answer to Donkey's question. "Oh, they make you cry?" Donkey excitedly guessed. How could he be wrong about this? "No!" At this point, Shrek was getting annoyed with the talkative donkey. Still, he had nothing. Then a certain word came to him: 'layers'. "Oh, you leave 'em out in the sun and they start sproutin' little white hairs?" "No!" Shrek yelled. "Layers! Onions have layers! Ogres have layers. Onions have layers- you get it. We both have layers." But even Shrek did not quite know what he was talking about. Before either one could try to make some sense of Shrek's onion analogy, they came across an abandoned building that appeared quite out-of-place with their universe. It was Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria. "This is where that hideous dragon lives?" Donkey laughed. "Come on, Shrek, let's go in." Shrek sighed, then followed Donkey inside the old pizzeria. "What is this place...?" Shrek muttered underneath his ogre breath. This clearly wasn't a castle, and as much as his ogre pride prohibited it, he felt legitimately on edge. "I d-don't like this place, Shrek!" Donkey whimpered. There was just an overall chilling atmosphere about the place - both of them knew danger was lurking. "Alright, show yourself!" yelled Shrek. He was ready to beat someone up. "We gotta get outta here, Shrek!" Donkey frantically told the ogre. He jumped up and put his front hooves on Shrek's stomach, hoping he would have some sort of answer to their situation. Shrek looked around and saw a black door labeled "Show Stage". "This way, Donkey!" Shrek instructed. The two made a mad dash towards the door then opened it, only to see a yellow, porcelain-surfaced humanoid-chicken animatronic wearing a white bib that read "Let's Party!". "What fairy tale is this from...?" asked Shrek. He tilted his head at the animatronic and tried to figure out which fairy tale it hailed from. Nothing came to mind. FIGHT! Shrek and Donkey - 2 Animatronics - 11 Before Shrek could make a guess, Toy Chica punched Shrek in the gut. Shrek grunted as the robot punched him, and he returned the favor with a punch to the face. This punch sent the animatronic's head flying clean off its body, and it hit the wall behind them. The body of the Toy Chica fell down, lifeless. Shrek and Donkey - 2 Animatronics - 10 "Yeah! Go Shrek!" Donkey cheered on the ogre. Suddenly, the two saw Toy Bonnie standing behind them. Donkey delivered a swift kick into Toy Bonnie's stomach, leaving large hoof-prints and knocking it over. Toy Bonnie quickly got up and raised the guitar to hit Donkey, but before he could connect an attack he was met with a kick to the face. This kick similarly knocked off the animatronic's head. Shrek and Donkey - 2 Animatronics - 9 Shrek and Donkey quickly ran out of the room to try to find a way out. They eventually found themselves in a dark room labeled, "Parts". "Parts? What kind of parts?" asked Shrek. What he didn't see was two glowing red eyes behind him. Suddenly, he felt a hand grab his neck and begin choking him. "Shrek!" yelled Donkey, seeing Shrek struggle against the red-eyed figure. Donkey tripped over and accidentally turned on a light, revealing the red-eyed figure as Old Bonnie. Shrek angrily turned around and grabbed Old Bonnie by the arm and flung him into the nearest wall, reducing the animatronic to nothing but bits and pieces. Shrek and Donkey - 2 Animatronics - 8 "And stay out!" Shrek yelled at Old Bonnie's pieces. The ogre-donkey duo walked out of the room only to hear static coming from an unknown source. "Aw man, I think that means we're doomed! We're doomed, Shrek!" Donkey panicked. Shrek covered Donkey's mouth with his hand. "Quiet, Donkey!" Shrek eyed the area, cautiously, only to see none other than Mangle crawling on the ceiling. "Aaggh!" Donkey screamed. "That thing's gonna kill us!" "Not if I can help it!" Shrek heroically pulled Mangle down from the ceiling and threw her through the window, breaking the glass and Mangle's body with it. Shrek and Donkey - 2 Animatronics - 7 Shrek wiped the dust from his hands and grinned. "Wow, these guys are weak." Shrek chuckled to himself upon saying that. However, right behind him was Old Chica, who pounced on Shrek and knocked him to the ground. Her mangled face was right in front of Shrek's, who was trying to get her off of him. "Get it off me, Donkey!" Donkey ran towards Old Chica and delivered a swift kick to the animatronic's face, kicking in her beak and bending her face. Donkey kicked her again in the midsection and sent her hurdling into a puddle of pizza grease, which sent her sliding into the bathroom and then into a toilet. Old Chica shorted out from the water and blew up. Shrek and Donkey - 2 Animatronics - 6 "Hey, what's this?" Donkey asked, sniffing the air around him like a dog. He and Shrek went into the kitchen room, where they saw something they could not believe - pizza. "Pizza!" Donkey cheered, diving headfirst into the pizza and gobbling it up. "Man, this is good!" Donkey said with a mouthful of pizza. "Something's not right here..." Shrek noticed. "Hello?" a high-pitched voice said out of nowhere. Shrek turned to see Balloon Boy standing behind him. "Aw, it's kinda cute!" Shrek said with a smile. "We can't hurt this one!" Balloon Boy suddenly punched Shrek in the crotch, which sent Shrek to his knees. "Why, you little-!" Shrek angrily grabbed Balloon Boy by the head and crushed it, sending sparks everywhere. He then threw the little animatronic into the pile of pizza, and the grease caused it to explode. Shrek and Donkey - 2 Animatronics - 5 Donkey lifted his head up from the pizza. "Man, I'm full. Hey, what's eatin' you, Shrek?" Donkey asked, noticing that Shrek had been hit in the cajones. "Nothing. But I hate these little guys!" Shrek furiously replied. "It's all ogre now." Shrek and Donkey barged into the Show Stage area, where Toy Freddy was glaring at them and wielding his microphone. He didn't seem too happy about Shrek and Donkey killing his friends. Toy Freddy swung his microphone at Shrek, who easily caught the microphone and bashed Toy Freddy's head in. Shrek then grabbed Toy Freddy by the head and feet and ripped him in two. Shrek and Donkey - 2 Animatronics - 4 Before Shrek and Donkey could find the other animatronics, they heard "Pop Goes The Weasel" playing from... somewhere. "Where's that music coming from?" Donkey asked, grinning. Donkey began to bust out into dance, when suddenly The Puppet emerged from the door of the room and rushed at Shrek and Donkey at high speeds. "Aaaaah!" Donkey screamed, then kicked The Puppet in the face. The Puppet went flying towards the wall of the room and shattered into pieces. Shrek and Donkey - 2 Animatronics - 3 "Alright, just how many more of these freaks are there?!" Shrek asked with frustration. The two had already defeated eight of these... things, and they both wondered how many more there could possibly be. Shrek and Donkey ran out of the room to find Foxy glaring at them from across the hall. Foxy ran at them, and Shrek and Donkey ran at him. Shrek grabbed Foxy and slammed him into the ground, wrestling-style. Shrek then threw him at Donkey, who kicked him in the stomach and sent him flying out another window. Shrek and Donkey - 2 Animatronics - 2 The ogre and donkey ran towards the exit door to see if they could get out. Still, it wouldn't open. Then, they turned around to see Freddy Fazbear himself standing behind them. "You weren't ready for Freddy." Freddy taunted the two. "Well you're about to get Shrekt!" Shrek yelled at Freddy. Shrek punched Freddy square in the stomach, leaving a huge dent and ripping the fabric. Freddy threw a punch at Shrek into his stomach, and then Donkey came in and kicked Freddy to the ground. Shrek then pulled Freddy's head off of his body. Shrek and Donkey - 2 Animatronics - 1 "I think we're done here..." Shrek told Donkey. Shrek grinned, for he thought that the two were done. Then Golden Freddy teleported to their location. "Get him, Shrek!" Donkey yelled. Shrek and Donkey ran at Golden Freddy, but the golden animatronic threw his own head at the duo. Shrek easily caught Golden Freddy's head, then picked up Golden Freddy by his body. He threw Golden Freddy's head at Donkey. Donkey quickly kicked Golden Freddy's head towards Shrek, who hit the head with Golden Freddy's body like a baseball bat. Golden Freddy's head flew out yet another window, and Shrek then threw the rest of the body into an office desk and crushed it beneath his weight. "Okay." Shrek said, panting. "I think we're done now." "Yeah! Go Team Shrek and Donkey!" Donkey cheered. Shrek was finally able to open the door, and then the two triumphantly walked out and continued their search for Princess Fiona. K.O.! Results Boomstick: Can we say 'Beatdown of the century'? Wiz: Yes we can. While the Animatronics held a significant numbers advantage, Shrek and Donkey held every other advantage possible. Shrek and Donkey are much stronger, they are far smarter than any Animatronic brain, they are much less predictable, they have actual durability, and they were fast enough to outrun a flying dragon. Boomstick: Not only that, but most of the animatronics rely on stuffing their victims into suits to kill 'em, which wouldn't work anyway because Shrek is too big and Donkey isn't human-shaped! Wiz: Finally, Shrek and Donkey could easily defeat any of the animatronics with a single punch or kick, even if they were hideously outnumbered. Boomstick: It's all ogre now. Wiz: The winners are Shrek and Donkey. Who would you be rooting for? Shrek and Donkey The Animatronics Did you agree with the outcome of this fight? Yes No Don't know Category:What-If? Death Battles Category:"Team on Team" themed Death Battles Category:'Video Games vs Movies' themed Death Battles Category:'Hero vs. Villain' themed Death Battles Category:Season Finale Category:Death Battles by 2 Different Series Category:Death Battles by 2 Different Companies Category:Completed What-If? Death Battles Category:Fedora Lord Para 348 Category:What-If? Death Battles completed in 2015 Category:Creature themed Death Battles Category:"Male vs Male" Themed Death Battles Category:'Monster' Themed death battles Category:Fistfight Category:Claw vs. Fist Themed Death Battles